January 8, 2016 at 2:09 pm #2352SonofSinatraKeymaster
… Willy Wonka!!!
Let me explain. Stick with me here. At the beginning of each Star Wars movie, the opening credits reveal the tag line “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away” which tells us Star Wars exists within our universe only all the events happened in the past. Why Willy Wonka? You must begin with some knowledge of the sequel book “Willy Wonka and the Great Glass Elevator.” If you have not read it, then go out and read it. It’s fun! In the book, Wonka travels the galaxy, encounters aliens, and saves planets in peril. The interesting thing is Wonka has extensive knowledge of the universe and all the beings that inhabit multiple planets. Apparently, he’s been doing this for some time. He saved the Oompa Loompas from destruction and they decided to go with him and help in his factory as a thank you. The great glass elevator must also be larger on the inside than it is on the outside to accommodate all the beings he brings with him. If he’s traveling to multiple universes, he’d need to eat and sleep there among the other groups he brings with him. His personality is very eccentric and he’s a snappy dresser! What does all this tell us about Willy Wonka? The man is an effing TIME LORD from the Doctor Who universe!!! So he uses his Tardis (great glass elevator) to travel to the distant past and winds up mixing it up with Jedi and Siths. He witnesses Charlie Bucket get killed, he goes even crazier, becomes a dark lord…. SUPREME LEADER SNOKE!!!
!!!MIC DROP!!!!January 8, 2016 at 5:05 pm #2367KrazyKentModerator
Ok, SonofSinatra, I have to agree that you have made a pretty compelling argument, but I still have to disagree. I’m not disagreeing because I can’t come to grips with Willy Wonka being able to possibly be Supreme Leader Snoke, but rather because I know who Snoke really is!!! Look at the man in the hologram that’s talking to Kylo Renm, there’s three attributes that are key to proving his real identity. His face is deformed. He is a large person. He has knowledge of villainous behavior. With those you can easily recognize Supreme Leader Snoke as…… SLOTH!! That’s right, the lovable Sloth from the Goonies is the big bad darkside daddy in Force Awakens. The face was the first tell and that requires no explanation. His stature is also very self-explanatory. As for how he is able to be so cruel after his seemingly friendly demeanor in the Goonies, well look at his time with the Fratellis. He was privy to all of the actions the family was taking to gain power and wealth while he was tied up downstairs. Sure, he saved the Goonies and got the Fratellis arrested, but that was simply vengeance. What most people don’t know is what happened after the Goonies saved their neighborhood. We all saw One-Eyed Willy’s ship sail off into the sunset but we didn’t get to see the thoughts inside Sloth’s head at that moment. Sloth saw his chance to claim all of the riches and achieve a life he never would have dreamed of. He ditched the Goonies, swam like a madman out to the ship and took control of the vessel. With his riches he would have been happy enough, but underneath the mounds of gold, he found a time-and-space travelling device. He ended up in the Outer Rim, learning how to properly speak and living like a king with all of his gold. After the Battle of Endor, he knew he could swing in with a nice “Hey, you guys!!” and take control of the void left in the Dark Side. Of course he aged and slimmed down, I mean that’s what time does to a person. When he heard of the Goonies 2.0 over at the Rebels, he knew he needed one of the young ones to shape into his own. That’s where we saw him last in the Force Awakens. I know a lot of people won’t believe me and will ask for sources, but the truth is, the only documentation of the events listed above are from the stories told by the wonderful Chunk. Now, before you say he is fictional, know that I, KrazyKent, am actually… the SON OF CHUNK!!!
*REAL MIC DROP*
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.